haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
