Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
