You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
