Have you finally orgasmed yet?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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