Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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