Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
