So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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