"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
