I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
