I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
