The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
