3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize