Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The adults are the big ones right?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
