With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
