I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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