I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
