I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
