the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
