I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
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I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
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We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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