the condom got lost in my hair
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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