Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
