is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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