Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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