Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
