Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
