god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize