Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you didnt know i had herpes?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
