meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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