Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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