I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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