im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize