Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize