just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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