So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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