Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
