i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
