when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
