O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
