don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
