So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
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He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
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I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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