He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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