The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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