There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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