Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
