That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
