My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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