My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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