FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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