Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
ttyl tear gas
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Randomize
