I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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