And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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