Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
