Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
