So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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