DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
