He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
