please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
