I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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