Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
