I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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