Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
