Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
