Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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