$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
