The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
