it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
