So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
