smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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