Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
