So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
