I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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