I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
