how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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